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Suzi Hammer Book
Embarking On The Journey

“Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness” From “Desiderata”

 

Twenty one days and nine hundred sixty miles after we left New Bern, North Carolina, we reached our first destination, Marathon, Florida.  This was our last stop before we left the United States.  The boat  had some mechanical issues that needed to be addressed, and we needed to make a final trip home  to pack up the condo,  and close on the sale.   

 

Pulling into Marathon brought back all the fears from former boatyard experiences.  The common scenario is that having boat work done takes 3 times longer and costs three times more than what you were originally told.  This is universal to the boating program.  Every captain has the same stories, just different details.  As it turned out, it was true once again! Plans to stay two weeks turned into five with unforeseen problems, such as the boom needing to be re-welded to the mast because the contractor who was fixing the sail noticed a weak attachment to the mast, and with something like that, you just don’t take a chance.  If the boom would come off the mast and anyone was on the deck, it could easily kill them.  But, I always rationalized it as “let things break here where we can get them fixed and not at sea where our safety would be compromised”.  Safety always took priority when making decisions.  

 

Once the boat was safe in the marina, we flew back home to finalize things there before we left the States.   Milwaukee turned out to be emotionally exhausting, filled with the difficulties of a final good-by, the most gut wrenching  being my daughters and my dogs….but also the difficulty and stress that comes with moving and packing.

 

I always knew we had a household of possessions, but until I wrapped each picture frame, each book, each lamp, each pot and pan, I finally realized how much “stuff” we really had.  And, I have moved before, but this time was different, because when I’ve packed before, within a day, I am unpacking in a new location, but this time, I didn’t really know when I’d ever see these things again, or where I’d be unpacking them.  We didn’t know how long this trip was really going to last, or where we would settle once we were through.  We thought perhaps we might find a spot during our travels that we would fall in love with and want to relocate.  We had bought some land on the water in North Carolina, thinking that we might build there when we returned, but the bottom line was..we really didn’t know.  

 

I was moving aboard a boat where decisions had to be carefully made as to what to take aboard, as space on the boat is a very valued commodity.  So the process was interesting as I observed what I chose to take with…my mother’s small oriental lamp (which had to be bolted to the counter), pictures of my girls and my dogs, my daughter Annie’s stuffed teddy bear, and of course, my books.  My life was reduced to one of simplicity, having only the bare essentials of what I needed to survive, physically and emotionally, and the rest of the “things” that were in storage, became slowly fading memories.  What I was left with, was a very synthesized version of what was important to me.  Actually, it was a realization that most of what I thought I “needed” was my own mental editorial of happiness , self worth, and security.  I felt very vulnerable, but freer in many ways, knowing that I was embarking on a new journey, not just physically, but on many levels.   No running away from situations I didn’t want to face…no jumping in the car to go to the gym, or to work, to see friends, or children.  No coming home to the dogs with their waging tails, happy to see me and running to the door for a walk…all the things that had defined and fulfilled me. I was excited and very scared all at the same time. 

 

I learned later on in the trip, that having all the anchors that were in my life, my job, home, family, dogs, that I thought were who I was, was really no more emotionally protected , or safe, than I was on the sea,  because the only true security and safe place that any of us has, lies within us, and not in our external accumulations or routines. 

 

This took me a while to figure out.  I had taken risks before, but now, as I look back at that time, the biggest challenge was before me, as I stripped my life down to the bare essentials and complete dependence on just four things….my husband, myself, the boat, and the weather, which would dictate when we moved, or didn’t move, and whether I was physically comfortable and mentally at peace.  But, guarded in my anticipation, I was committed to the challenge, and excited about this venture into a new and unknown world.

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